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Eventually you stop feeling sorry for yourself and just appreciate what's around you. what you have, like best friends who send you friendship bracelets in colours of the rainbow to make your day, or being able to apologize to each other and move on. amazing music, people who love you even though sometimes you can't feel it because you're 7 hours away. friends who've just moved over, friends whom you haven't spoken to in ages but you know its okay, because your friendship is covenental. Jesus because you know He holds the future.
***
I AM ABSOLUTELY BUSHED. One week of school and I'm so exhausted.. from work, from thinking about having to mug this hard for the next 6-7 months. tuition later at six-thirty, then relaxxxxxxxxxx. listen to music. do homework if I feel like it. I have a feeling that over the next 6-7 months I will burnout at least two times, and then realise that it's not that bad, then relax a bit. after that I will start panicking about not being able to do well and then burnout again.
So, I have decided to prevent this. do tawg every night. be accountable to Jo, and other people if they'd like. worship. do my moleskine to keep me sane. sleep in on weekends. joshua 1:9. very scared. but my God is bigger. yes. sick. awesome.
I need one more picture to finish off my roll of film in my lomolitos. contemplating buying another 3 rolls on the website.. but I really really want to finish my roll off so i can see the pictures I took over the holidays etc. and also need to develop a lot of photos...
oh my myyyyy i need to stone for a bit.
I feel like a sore thumb. like someone who isn't needed, at all, like I need you guys a lot more than you need me because I'm sad and socially deficient and either too loud, too shy, too weird.. I know its not your fault/ you don't mean it but I feel ____ ___. I also feel horrible saying this.
But it's only a feeling, and if I push it farrrr away it can't hurt me so that's what I'm gonna do - push it faar far away and never let it come close again. I feel like I used to have so much to hold onto. And now it feels like there's nothing. Right now I hate this season.
I wish someone would just sweep me off my feet and take me far away from all this shit.
On a muchh happier note, i watched this a few days ago with Joles and it wasn't as sad as I expected it to be! Buttt the soundtrack is soo pretty; imma get it soon (=
"Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs.
How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope."
- GiGi, He's Just Not That Into You
anyway, this week has been rather delightful:
let's see, on monday, I wake up to find Benn's card in my mailbox congratulating me for my N level results! I miss him so so so much and I wish I could fly to Melbourne right now to see him ):
So that made my Monday morning (don't ask why I check mail in the morning, i just do)
Went to school and was totally psyched to learn that Miss Lim would be our form + Math teacher again!
We started screaming like mad girlies when she walked in and we spent her whole period talking about our hols, Ns, etc.
anyway, shortly after school I went for a really satisfying run (on the treadmill, because 'going for a run' is very misleading in my family. its the same thing to me, really) and then jumped into the pool and it was perfect weather and it was so nice for lack of a better word.
on tuesday, I had to go to work after school but it wasn't too bad which is a rare occasion. I guess work hasn't been too bad this year: all the crappy managers who somehow seem to have some beef with me have moved on, so yay. came home and watched (500) Days of Summer which is so so so lovely. I love it and its soundtrack is so indie and original and bouncy.
school was fun as usual on wed and thurs with my all-time-fav class of '10! It's so strange to hear me say that sch is fun, i guess it's becos we're all still in the holiday mood. we went out to eat roti prataaaaa and hung out at Jole's place a lot; it's like our second home now!
we even know our way around her kitchen!! like where her utensils/pots and pans are and how to use her weird looking microwave!! HAHAHAHA
We watched Mean Girls, which is damnnnn old but i swear, i can never NOT like it becos it's so classic! I love Rachel McAdams, she's so prettyyyyy (=
so that sums up my week. My life's awesome possum so far, but i know it's gonna turn into hell quickly once the stress on Os begins. but more on that when the time comes (=
Falling in and out of love,
Ashamed and proud of
We're growing apart,
But we pull it together again.
10 THINGS I LOVE ABOUT CHIRSTMAS
1: It's the day of Jesus' birth!
2: An awesome chance to spend quality time with everyone I love.
3: The beautiful lights and decorations.
4: The general atmosphere of giving and celebration!
5: PARTIES + DRINKS!
6: The giving and receiving of presents.
7: THE AWESOME FOOD!
8: Watching Christmas Movies + Listening to christmas stories!
9: The generally cooler weather (:
10: Mistletoes? (:
Carine, Xiu wen and Jolezx were the awesome possum girlies I went to the Sundown Festival with, and boy were they great company!! I swear, I wonder who'd win in a screaming competition, Jole or me?? BECAUSE WE DEAFENED EACH OTHER.
My mood soared when BBoys came on, and it reached an all time high when the Emcees came on stage and said :
"Well for the next band...lemme just ask you all a question. Do you guys watch korean dramas?"
EVERYONE SCREAMED SO. LOUDLY. But mine was the highest of all because, as we all knew, T Max was gonna perform! I swear my heart was up my throat.
I SCREAMED SOOO LOUDLY AT THE THOUGHT OF FINALLY MEETING KJ!!!!
and GUESS WHAT? KIM JOON STAYED MOSTLY AT THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE STAGE, WHICH WAS WHERE I WAS!!
omygosh...I kept screaming and waving with my friends and it was such fun!
I can't believe i've finally met him, one of my favourite Korean celebs of all time! He looked just like in my saved pictures of him, omygosh! And Joles, the sweetheart, kept snapping away at him just for me! Since I annoyingly don't own a camera. But wow! Such a heart-stopping performance. You wouldn't believe how amazing the whole night was, especially with FTI and BEG!! Man, I love them both, and the BEGs are hotter in reality!!!
Joles + Me in the toilet 3 hours before the concert!! xD
Wow, what a rush. I'm still light-headed and woozy from the night's madness. I keep wondering if I'll wake up tmr thinking "man, that was a good dream" HAHA BUT IT WAS SO REAL. I saw celebs that I only see on Musicbank and allkpop! Oh man, what a night!
I'll post up pictures soon! Love love [:
It's the adrenaline; being slighty lifted off the swing seat, the feeling of almost flying away, feel the breeze rushing through hair let loose, gravity free-falling back to the ground, to swing back upwards again, the peacefulness in solitary, cloudy skies and howling winds, escaping thoughts..
Jan, Sar and Carine, who all happen to be the only ones I call on a regular basis, just so happened to go on a trip at around the same time.
Sarawak, Genting and Japan respectively. It was weird not having anyone to call and ask about their day for a few days...but I survived xD
Jan paid me a visit today, glad to have someone inject some life into me.
Oh, and we came across this quote online:
"God does not just have a purpose for your life, He is the purpose of your life."